Thursday, January 08, 2004
"Muse for Hire"
from The Mostly True Adventures of Kitty and Buck
KB: I'm a muse. Fuck it. I might as well go for it.
BD: Well, I tell you what, you'd be opening a door for muses in general because historically speaking --
KB: -- They don't get paid for their services, do they?!
BD: -- historically speaking, the muse always kind of gets the shaft.
KB: It would be a feminist entreprenural move. I'm going to exploit it for all it's worth.
BD: I don't know...
(Looks up from his guitar)
Being a muse? You generally have to sleep with the guy.
KB: No you don't.
BD: That was my joke. A funny, funny joke. (He returns to his guitar, experiments with potential chords and riffs of a new song)
KB: You bring in the right ingredients -- food, drink, conversation, inspiration. You lay it out there. They catch on. They feed off it. I'm really good at gathering stuff that is inspiring. And I could do that per the individual. Because I'm very intuitive that way about people because I've been studying them a long time. And I'm full of helpful new age tips about what you should incorporate into your diet. And I can read tarot.
BD: (Pouring another raspberry vodka & tonic with pomegranate juice) Honey. Honey. I really love you...
KB: (with raspy giggle) I think I can pull it off.
BD: I think you could too, but it would really frighten me.
KB: Would it?! Why?
BD: It would really frighten me.
KB: Why? Because I was trying to inspire people? What do you think I do every day? Do you think I haven't managed to inspire people into feeling good about themselves and this place?
BD: I know you have. I just need to understand what "muse for hire" means. You're changing the definition of muse. Or at least the way muses have traditionally worked.
(Gesturing to her drink with raspberry vodka bottle)
Do you want a little splash of this? To spice it up a little bit.
KB: I guess a little splash wouldn't hurt… This is where the artistic consultant part comes in. Because we can sit down and talk and I'll help you work through things and help you find your way. It's like coaching. People hire coaches. It's like one step away from spirituality. You're not claiming to be a religious guru of any sorts but you help people come along their path. I'm good at shit like that.
BD: (Continues to pluck on his guitar.)
KB: What's the dark side of having a muse for hire? You don't give yourself any credit anymore? It's like becoming known as someone's husband.
BD: No. See, that's the dark side of having a muse. The dark side of having a muse for hire, is that she's for hire.
KB: It's that you have to pay for it?
BD: And that she's for hire. And that other people are hiring her, too. It's that she's not your muse.
KB: So it's that you have to share?
BD: She's not your muse. She's a muse for hire.
KB: You don't own her? YOU DON'T OWN HER!
MUSE FOR HIRE. Inspiration, feedback and problem solving provided by experienced artistic consultant. No sex. Completely confidential. Only $15/hour for first session. Send e-mail to: sultrylavalady@yahoo.com.
-- Kitty Burbank and Buck D'Agostino, Jan. 2004.
